As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
