at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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