I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
