I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
