he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I'm really busy with my period
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize