capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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