At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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