I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
