Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
