I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
