That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
