I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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