I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
