How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why do cheetos always look like penises
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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