How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize