i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Even my vagina gasped.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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