Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
