Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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