I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
