Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
