either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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