I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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