I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
