You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
