Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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