What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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