i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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