I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
