I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
