Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
