So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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