i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
