So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
