Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
