Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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