We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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