oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
