let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sex in the backyard? Check.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize