Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
