Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
