May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
