Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
