Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
