nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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