I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
