Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
