Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She bit a glass in half.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
