remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
