Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
