pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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