Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
