I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
