So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
