i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
