If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize