Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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