well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
