Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you inspire me to be a worse person
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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